Love Me, Love Them Not

My son Callen is at a great age and place – he says on his own frequently through the day, “I love you Papa!” “I love you Mama!” Now I know he really loves us, but I’m a bit suspicious when he eyes my candy bar in my hand and says, “I love you!” I think he means he loves the candy bar implying “how nice it would be if I share some with him.” We are familiar how “love” may actually mean “not love” but “give me” or “you make me feel good” or “do this for me.” If love is the greatest quality it is also the greatest abused quality.

So what does it mean to really “love” someone? Is it that starry twinkle in the eye from which children may come? No that is passion. Is it that gooey look between a boy and a girl? No that is infatuation. Is it that good feeling that comes being with someone whose company we enjoy? No that is liking.

Our White Lotus Code defines love this way: “I will serve others rather than be served.” Whatever inward or innate quality love may be, outwardly we can see the true results of love in action – it is not what I “get” from the person but what I “give” to the person. Do I give them truth, even when the truth hurts? That is love. Do I serve them the last piece of pie when I am hungry and didn’t get my share? That is love. Is it helping others cross the street, open doors, carry their bags, do their chores? Yes and yes. And if the motive is the joy it gives you to see them happy verses just the happiness you get infatuated with them, then it is love. Because love endures. But infatuation and liking and passion all come and go. Do I always like my wife? Not always. But I can always love here…..until the liking comes back.

When we love in this “giving” way we may initially feel like we are losing something that belongs to us. – our time, our pie piece, our hard work. But as Jesus said, “those who want to save their lives will lose it, and those who lose their lives will save it.” If we put ourselves first in the equation then we will never truly love. We will only “love” to “get.” But in putting others first in the equation we have moved beyond ourselves and our feelings. We have transcended into the very joy we gave to others. That is love.